While it would be ridiculous to only have sex if you intended to conceive a child, it should still be in the back of everyones mind that it *can* happen, and if so, the woman, whos burdened with the pregnancy, gets to make the final call. Because once the innocent kid is here, the fact that he/she was an accident does not mean he/she has less of a need for supportive, involved parents. He loves me and doesnt care about the mother but wants to be there for the child, but said he doesnt have to and wil wait for the DNA test. The baby will be due right in the middle of the semester. In fact, Im sure you could find a wealth of women who never received support a day in their life. He Won't Leave Her: 5 Harsh Truths 'The Other Woman' Must Face He chose not to take the steps to avoid making a baby, and to avoid putting himself (and you!) Both have to accept responsibility for that. While I stand by my statements about this woman being a total idiot, etc., and the fact that I dont think anyone was calling him scum for having sex with someone after he broke up with his girlfriend, I will say that I agree with the idea that its unfair for guys that they have no say in keeping or aborting but will be on the hook for child support even if they wanted the mother to have an abortion. You know the risk youre taking when you do the deed. Not to say that a single mother cannot give a child the support she needs alone, but as the father if you wash your hands of being in the childs life, you do not KNOW or even have a reasonable expectation (especially if shes a one night stand youve only known for 2 minutes) that the mother will be a sufficient parent. And as far as I can tell, it happens an awful lot. Because we stayed together, she caused him a lot of stress and drama by doing things like not letting him see his kids. Just because hes willing to pay child support doesnt mean hes not a deadbeat and who would want to be with the kind of boy who would abandon his child. Having legal custody doesnt guarantee you or prevent you from paying support. A woman who is raped is stuck with the agonizing choice of getting an abortion, or carrying a child to term. and he is furious with this woman for keeping the baby after only knowing each other two minutes. Youre never going to persuade crazy, but other people reading can maybe read something interesting without getting too turned off by the insanity of one side. There are so many variations on how the parents choices can conflict but no choice after the fact will make it even for both mother and father. For sure, the guy can't worry about the other gent. Im also a longtime lurker who was a little taken aback by all the vitriol aimed at this mans head. The decision to have sex is NOT a decision to have a child. You need to be consistent in your line of reasoning.. Your boyfriend made his choice when he had unprotected sex. Thats all I can really offer. Of all the methods, IV drug use is the most effective. What a laugh. Its not that bad (though Ill take an IUDs 0.6%, thanks). he gets another girl pregnant while you are on a break, your fault. RunsWithScissors Regardless, I again find a double standard in saying he must be scum to not want to be in the childs life but that opting to give a child up for adoption is a perfectly viable choice for a woman. Definitely do a paternity test to be sure but if he follows through with not being a part of the childs life, hes a scumbag. This dude intends to contribute to the childs life financially, but in no other ways, which seems vastly unfair to the child. * However, if you bang and get knocked up by tiger woods (quite possible given his standards) you will be set for life and hence a lottery win is born. But that doesnt mean she has the right to be angry at this man either. You are arguing for NO abortion in cases of rape. Who knew? Makes me wonder if youre happily married like I am, or just a bitter divorcee who clings to feminism and man-hating as a knee jerk reaction of having been wronged. People are calling him scum because hes a guy who doesnt want to become a father to that womans child. Not your body, not your choice. Those double standards take up too much room. Why does anyone think they have a say in whether a woman aborts or keeps her child? How do you even know that his man was actually, really furious? If you cant handle the though of having a baby, you take precautions (condoms, birth control, vasectomy, abstinence even) and when babies happen, because they do even with protection, you take responsibility for it. bittergaymark Who are we talking about now? Be a grownup, decide if this relationship is worth the less perfect, more dramatic parts, and act accordingly. Its not a secret that it works that way in our society. The fact that the courts have found that men should be obligated to support mistakes is motivated by a desire to secure the welfare of the child. So while you were on a break he had unprotected sex with just her or other people too? Because it doesnt work that way around here and everyone knows it. Well, its possible that he didnt know her at all, but then after coitus he began to get to know her and things went downhill from there. If she does your boyfriend will deal with the aftermath of having sex without a condom. Anyone would be angry in this situation. I know, right? Hes scum because he abandoned a woman he impregnated.. She didnt rape him. You are indiscriminate in your partner choice and/or birth control? And I would believe him that he has no interest in her other than convenience. He doesnt want anything to do with his child? Your boyfriend is 40 effing years old. Because we stayed together, she caused him a lot of . I think the whole situation is a mess though, & youre 2nd paragraph (She seems proud of his bad-boy ways and his current claim that she is the only woman who can tame him into marriage) is spot-on. Senior year of high school, you turn to your boyfriend and say the words hes been dying to hear I think Im ready. He responds with Great, Im totally ready to be a dad anyway. Uh, no, were using protection. No, I know. April 9, 2012, 3:57 pm. But thats a crime? Even if she was lying about being on birth control. Now pay for the childs necessities in life. April 10, 2012, 6:21 pm, And yet men still keep having sex with us. I know it is hard since you love this guy to see how reprehensible he is. No reason to pass that one along to future generations, Rachelgrace53 by Kara Straight May 11, 2018. He apologized for not telling me sooner. Fix Your Communication Problem. The states dont advertise this. submandave . (yes, I know, lifes unfair). Ummm hes scum because he abandoned a woman he impregnated. This baby will need a dad, not just a check, and if he can walk away from this child he can walk away from you just as easily. Please help. I know Im stretching here, but 3. The dude in your story is a pretty big idiot if he doesnt want to be a dada but the word of a woman he had known for two minutes that she was on the pill was enough to get him to bone her. Its not that fucking hard. There is no child at conception very good. You know what bothers me, if the lady wasnt pregnant would he have told you of the affair? Itll be hard work, but I genuinely think it can be done. BACKFIRES! And hopefully this childs mother will, too. Its believed to be ineffective because for years people thought there were sperm cells in pre-cum, but thats a myth. I have a friend in somewhat related situation. 2. the guy is not worth you in a relationship. Stay with someone he dislikes because she became pregnant? If it's been a relatively short amount of time (it's all relative, but I like to say three months or less), since the breakup/last time he/she spoke with you Contrary to what might be implied buy my other comments in this thread, Im not typically a proponent of abortions. Thats what IVF is for either the male or the female gives of their own gametes. Privacy Policy. She has decided to keep the baby and that is not his choice and CERTAINLY not yours. Here are the 5 signs that he/she is in one: They started the relationship before they ended it (or as they were ending it) with you.. A full-on communication stop after a breakup is rare these days. Yea, it does sound even more ridiculous today. No, he could be furious at the legal system that compelled it or at the woman (who, by the way, was equally culpable in the creation) who opts to continue with a child only she wants. I came back to re-read because I was worried my reply would be disjointed and confusing (I wrote it tired last night, with a fever), so Im glad that while its not going to win any literary award, it wasnt totally nonsensical! I still think the guy is an irresponsible dick, and the LW is acting like a brat, but I dont want to make any assumptions about his activities post the LW when we actually have zero information about it. Jimmy and Susie are in love. But I answer younger peopleI even have made some comments on Teen Rant. If her fiance adopted the child, then he is the legal father and she would go after him for Child Support. I dont feel anyone should be forced to be a part of a childs life. And you dont sound much better. He said he felt forced to be with someone he doesnt love and, blah blah blah. After dating him for about 3 months, she got pregnant with his baby. Yes? Sleeping without protection with someone who you knew for two minutes ? I chose to have a baby. landygirl. But if you are uninterested in a relationship with him because of his newfound drama then walk away sister. Quit acting like hes so hard done by by this woman and tell him to get some responsibility. Good. reader, TELLULAH+, writes (25 January 2008): A This is why homosexual couples have to adopt. Dont get me wrong, the child should be taken care of and taken responsibility for but it can never be the reason why you do or dont stay together that decision should be based purely on the possibility for a good relationship between you grown ups. I must be in the minority because oral sex is a regular part of sex btw my husband and I and Id definitely miss it if it wasnt. They can both make a choice but only Susie must physically implement the plan. Copyright 2023 Dear Wendy. April 10, 2012, 7:06 pm. Or could CG be right, and this is all a hoax? reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2008): A April 10, 2012, 4:22 pm. Men dont pay child support during gestation only when there is an actually living child is in the world that has physical needs. End. He says he wants me, but Im afraid if she keeps trying to get back with him she will succeed one day. Originally i had used much more crass language and forgot to delete the apology ooops! 2.6K views, 5 likes, 0 loves, 0 comments, 44 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Wildheart: **Miracle Baby Or Mistaken Baby- Man Denies Having Baby With Wife (Full Episode) - Paternity Court **. While youre at it make sure to pop out a few more kids yourself, too. Addie Pray April 9, 2012, 12:13 pm. Sure. This woman is having a baby, not a concept. Basically, he is dumping you and moving on. And oxygen. However, not once did I say anything like what youre implying. How about getting to know one another really well before having sex? Id rather him be honest and bow out now then be in and out or in as a lousy, forced parent. Iwannatalktosampson female It's believed to be ineffective because for years people thought there were sperm cells in pre-cum, but that's a myth. Surely you know that So if you want to hate women for having child support, why dont you hate the men who skipped town. That is pretty much it. Dont be so quick to assume every dude who makes an observation about a real phenomenon is some embittered douche full of vitriol; you may learn something in the process.