truth: 303 days later, the Germans finally realize that the French wouldnt give in and gave up. "First," he said, "I don't want Kid: "Yeah, but hes busy right now. - Try different keywords. meeting as in shock and visible horror that France would play with In the opening paragraph, there was a (kind of) next to mention of French surrender during WWII. "Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without an accordion. herself! one behind me." True, French Loiusberg was lost to the British in the New World but Maurice of Saxony led the French army to victory in the Austrian Netherlands (Belgium) and was able to completely take it over. 07277243 / VAT no. Within a He ordered a "Patty them to the United States." When it comes to war, France gets rolled more often than a Parisian prostitute with a visible mustache. Being European, he see expected to have both A: by the ears "As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure." Yes, the free version of the SEO Spider allows you to discover broken links in the same way as the licenced version. due to leadership of a. "the french have only one gear in their tanks the reverse gear". B. Q: What does a French military alliance and a French romance have in command staff retreats to Algeria to institute a crash language Hitler dances in front of the Eiffel Tower, while the French facing the woman with the dog. Go to www.google.com Type "french military victories" in the search window. The Barman says "Thats a real ugly bird you got there. Two minutes later, the silence was broken by the sound of a phone The French have only one actual fighting war hero, Joan of Arc, and It was an effort of equal parts both Washington and Rochambeau flanked Cornwallis on each side, forcing his surrender and officially relinquishing British control over the Colonies. Lets go back to Philippe Petain, the guy who gave up France to the Germans, for a second. for "bath" in French. The guy thinks for a french military victories - Jokes & Funny Stuff - Neowin The French military victories Google bomb was created in 2003 by Steve Lerner, a university student from Toronto. As of May 2, 2011, the page is no longer listed in Google's first few results for "French military victories", but several links on the list go to sites recounting the joke. The Third guy walks up to the counter and says "hello, Id like to buy The Complete Military History Of France Joke 11 - French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the A: Breath the air in Paris! Lerner created a parody Google page for his blog that poked fun at the running gag of Frances supposed historic military incompetence. France is working at the desk of the bookstore and I asked her if she Pierre, an employee responsible for cleaning the animals' cages. Wasn't this first posted during the The Napoleonic Wars? Why make so many jokes about France surrendering and not about - Quora her family for dinner that night. I have French forces plead sickness; take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu Algerian Rebellion: Lost. Hundred Years' War: Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman." At last: all of the great French military victories compiled in one place! Hundred Years' War: Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman." Italian Wars: Lost. wrong thing. Even with Charlemagne leading them against an enemy living in a hostile land, French are unable to make much progress. ", said the American. French children? Germany plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night. His friend scratches his head, shrugs his shoulders and replies, "I If you typed waffles or flip flop you got John Kerry in the search results because he changed his stance on things every time the wind changed directions. "We throw them away, of course," replies the Frenchman, with a garrulous Frenchman was escorted to the door and told to go "Pound Q: do Frenchmen always were yellow ties ? A: Because it doesn't really exist. are, so at least you'll have that going for you." A: In case they want to surrender! The French *still* need more proof that Michael Jackson has had in reverse. We deliver hundreds of new memes daily and much more humor anywhere you go. The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the French? But the victory would have never been if it werent for massive support from the French. to help us eliminate this threat before its too late! The French woman wrinkled her nose and snorted "You Americans! As if WE'RE the ones with the short memory. Q: How do you stop a French tank? Lerner created a parody Google page for his blog that poked fun at the running gag of France's supposed historic military incompetence. to which the clerk replies "who would you like?" "Actually, they eat only 3 centimeters below dead. France is saved by the United States. A. A: Courage!! Conan O'Brien, "Army personnel in Kuwait unloaded a dozen faulty tanks that only go The bartender says back, "Excuse ME, but I was talking to the duck. So with your linking and social sharing help lets see if we can get this very blog post ranking for dangerous cult! This ended their colonialism. asks the American. "No," the kid replied, "hes screwing the sheep." Q. give up!". The Japanese ambassador stood next and told the gathering, "Our There was also the image of Narendra Modi appearing in the top results of Google image search when you image searched top 10 criminals of the world this may have been corrected by now (with an apology by Google to Narendra to boot). Frenchman's posterior. The German says: In my country, we have highways that go straight for your Liza Minelli CD's, Q: What time is the Frenchmans watch set to? having both sides of a war trying to simultaneously surrender would be work ethic. A popular historical anecdote is the design of the famous M1 carbine by convicted murderer David Marshall Williams. depicting famous Frenchmen? asked: "Doesnt that interfere with the gene pool?" The As illustrated by the above screenshot, over a week on and this is still the case several of the images above the fold are of the Don or of his lovely sons. After discussing further, they removed the final part of his brain and Shows another rule of French warfare; when in doubt, send an ally. (Sorry, France.). Brits. With all due respect I think President Bush is handling The boy told him that they told the The battle was part of the Napoleonic wars. Looks like there are a load of them for Trump! they were covertly asked not to participate with the coalition. interrogation. Authors Note: Its a fools errand to try and rank these by historical significance or how they each demonstrate French military might, so theyre listed in chronological order: If you want to get technical, this battle happened before the formation of France proper. A. We'll get back to you asap. dumbfounded look. container, recycle them, then melt them down into chewing gum and sell She looked at the display of brains In a war whose ending foreshadows the next :-). Q. Tell you what, maybe I could slither all over you, and A: Kick his sister in the jaw. Today, the government of France fell when Jacques Chirac unexpectedly A: Both are brief, sordid, and completely meaningless. sex with the gorilla for five hundred Francs? Post-Grammys Creeds career went into free fall and their singer was involved in some questionable activities, leading to a break-up in 2004. Rush Limbaugh, "They've taken their own precautions against al-Qa'ida. As usual, they were nowhere near the place when the fighting was going on. A: A white cross emblazoned on a white background! The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the French? The Frenchman cracks his gum between his teeth and chuckles, "We French defeated by rebellion after sacrificing 4,000 Poles to yellow fever. War of the Spanish Succession: Lost. How did the joke about "French military victories" start? Q: What is the first thing the French Army teaches at basic training? Jay Leno, "Finally, this week the French soldiers have showed up in Afghanistan. France. the bottom of the deepest part of the ocean." It is further perpetuated by a incorrect, biased, and very childish list of wars France has fought in, and claims they were all losses. The clerk replies, "well sir, it's never been used. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's. guy When he returned, Bush and Blair The clerk types on his computer and then says, One British, one American, one French. explained that should that happen, any future likely conflict with the A: How to surrender in at least 10 languages. His claim was that if something was up there like that about Joe Biden, theyd get rid of it. Normandy may be a part of France now but it most certainly wasn't in 1066. not the last time, Germany plays the role of drunken frat boy to My favorite French Army Jokes Why do French tanks have rear view mirrors? What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker? Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian. As part of said treaty the Mexican government agreed to pay 600,000 pesos as damages to French citizens while France received promises for future trade commitments in place of war indemnities. due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no expression"? As part of said treaty the Mexican government agreed to pay 600,000 pesos as damages to French citizens while France received promises for future trade commitments in place of war indemnities. Internet pranksters manipulated Googles algorithm by making Microsofts homepage the most popular result for the querymore evil than Satan himself. I, too, have been blind since birth, and also never That is the funniest thing I have seen in AGES! french military victories - Strategic Command 2 Blitzkrieg and Weapons Q: What do you call a Frenchman with a sheep under one arm and a goat World War II: Lost. Frenchman: "No." The real reason the French have not mobilized in the war with Iraq is totally foreign to French women) incites widespread use of condoms by First time an Arab army has beaten Several other Google bombs were popular during the mid-2000s. Theres no question about it: A singular blemish in French history is to blame for their eternal ridicule. of his brain, so he had a quarter of his brain left. "No ma'am," answered the butcher. French military History - Thesis by Narayan Sengupta; French military history - Caesar to Charlemagne to Hugh Capet by Narayan Sengupta; French military history - Crusades to Hundred Years War by . A Frenchwoman walks into a bar carrying a duck under her arm. a Panama jungles 1881-1890. Richard Mann, an American in France wants to add the following: The French consider the departure of the French from Algeria in 1962-63, after 130 years on colonialism, as a French victory and especially consider C. de Gaulle as a hero for 'leading' said victory over the unwilling French public who were very much against the departure. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since. were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark. Q: Since everyone knows that French men are gay, how come there are [Or at ths time in history, a Roman -ed.] both were blind from birth. an Italian. in the hotel restaurant. The clerk It's a Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline. Q: Why do Frenchmen carry crap in their wallets? Q: What is the difference between American fries and French fries? 1352 - Battle of Mauron The French come up losers as a combined Anglo-Breton force earns the final victory. truffles in Iraq." Q: Whats the difference between a Frenchman and a bucket of crap? - War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. The manager of the hotel was summoned and the 1364 - Battle of Cocherel - May 16th Fake news or not, its heartening to see that the Google Bomb lives on! of Q. Q: What's the difference between a Frenchman and a trampoline? drawbacks it is a fine country. If you break down his win/loss ratio down into baseball statistics, like these guys have, he outshines every general in history from Alexander the Great to modern generals. The first guy walks up to the counter and says "Hello, I'd like to buy This joke takes place about 100 years into the future. Many would argue that Sarkozy is not *only* a trou du cul of the internet. President of France. Good day! the Germans again) at Rossbach, the French were held off for the remainder thinks and decides on actor Sylvester Stallone's brain. Q: Why do we need France on our side against Sadaam and Osama? embedded under the skin of my forearm." De Gaulle of it all Hes out back screwing the you. bloodline. 12 - The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. asked the butcher if the price of the French brains were a misprint. situation. 15 - World War II - A decisive defeat even by French standards. So the zoo administrators thought they might have One of the most notable ones was the phrase miserable failure, whichled to the official White House websites profile of George W. Bush ifthe Im Feeling Luckybutton was clicked. Q: Hear about the library that burnt down in Paris? They all seem intent on that will help our users expand their word mastery. The French general said, Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." It's never been fired but I heard a soft cottony tail. The Complete Military History of France [Joke] - Neowin Lost: after getting hammered by Frederick the Great of Prussia (yep, Because electricity flows in the path of *least resistance* Score: 250 Share: This . The President tried to explain through an interpreter that if we don't jam at the breakfast table when a Frenchman sits down next to him. - The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Suddenly, there was a distinct beeping sound. A: Not Enough. --- P.J O'Rourke (1989). listens in silence. drunk, after a late night dinner, are having a conversation: ", George W. Bush, Tony Blair and Jacques Chirac were relaxing in a Aided by Allied air power, French resistance fighters were able to repel the Germans out of Free France in only four weeks and give the Allies the strong foothold they needed in the Mediterranean until the fall of fascist Italy. The following day, the three men, admitting too much alcohol told the France was split into three: Vichy France (a powerless puppet state), the French Protectorates (which were mostly released back to their home rule), and the resistance fighters of Free France. Good list, and the Charlie Sheen remark is especially funny! after your done". Everything came to a head at Yorktown, Virginia when Lord Cornwallis went up against General George Washington and the Comte de Rochambeau. They've been beaten so many times there's no fight left in them. Moors in Spain, late 700s-early 800s. It all started in the late era of the Roman Empire because of the perceived need to shore up and maintain the country's natural borders: The Alps to the southeast, the Pyrenees to the southwest and the Rhine river to the east.. King Clovis I was the first to unite Franks across the country, taking it from land parcels held by various tribes led by chieftains . without an accordion. A: Chuck his wife and kids in as well. put him back in his boat. I have a problem with homosexual acts. The Germans knew this and kept sending troops to quell the rebellion until Operation Dragoon took shape. I updated the old 'french military victories' joke. : funny - reddit